Monday, August 25, 2008
Some of you have read my wife's blog where she posted recently about infertility and adoption. I've never posted anything online about that until now:
God forgot to run His schedule by me for approval. Turns out He has His own timetable. I’m supposed to be a Dad right now according to my plans, but I’m not. My wife and I have been married over 8 years now. And for over half our marriage we have desired to have children. I did not realize the pain involved with infertility. I had seen people go through this, but did not understand the depth of their pain. My wife and I began walking that road together, and it’s been a tough one. We have both worked through bitterness and shame. I thought we deserved a child because we had done everything right. We both signed True Love Waits cards in high school and stayed true to our commitments. We had surrendered our lives to ministry and to follow God wherever he takes us. I have learned that God is not obligated to bless us. And that I tend to be concerned with one or two blessings I lack and forget the infinite blessings He has granted already. And mostly, I have learned that He does not abandon us in our pain and bitterness; even when it is towards Him. He continues to hold us and mold us. He is near us. His love is more faithful than the sun and rain. He is in control. We are at His mercy. And He is a loving father.